Archive for the ‘Past Experiences’ Category

“She is so beautiful,” I said.

“Take her then,” my uncle commented.

She was quite a beauty, she had these soulful brownish eyes that just lit up the entire room around her. She looked at me with such adoration, like she had loved me all her life. I fell in love with her almost immediately.

Little did I know that she would become a huge part of my life.

Preparing to leave my uncle’s place, I got into my car and started the engine. Was quite shocked when I heard the sound of my booth opening and in tow was my uncle with Maya in his hands.

As usual, my car was filled to the brim. It didn’t look like anything could fit in my car but uncle somehow found a way and there she was- this gorgeous eyed Husky seated beautifully in my car.

It was such a spur of the moment sort of decision, one thing led another and here I was with yet another dog in my car, looking at me adoringly.

Yes, Cuddles, my then 2-year old, mixed terrier was in the front seat, beautifully seated like a Queen, ready to go. She was rather troubled at the sight of another dog in the car- she wasn’t really known for her fondness of sharing her owner. I had been all hers for the last two years, she was practically attached to my hip.

Maya….. was a timid creature, she would jump at the slightest movement. Uncle had warned me that she might display such behavior. He had rescued her from a pet shop in Johor Bahru, barely a few weeks before. The pet shop had ill-treated her, as she was spayed and could not give birth-hence a no-no for breeding and not exactly a gold mine for the shop anymore.

Yet my first personal encounter with her was a tad scary. I was sitting down at the ledge of my front door so that she and I would be at eye level. As I looked closer into her eyes, suddenly she howled loudly for quite a while. I was quite startled and so was she, as she moved backwards like I was going to hit her.

This girl could really talk or should I say grumble.

It would be the the start of many other conversations I would have with Maya for next 9 years. She came along for the many car rides I would take from KL to Teluk Intan  to visit mum,  like her new-found sister Cuddles- [that ignores her almost all the time] she was a pro at traveling.  Not to mention the many moves, I would make over the course of the next four to five years from Sunway to Old Klang Road, Old Klang Road to Subang and then to Seri Kembangan.

Maya was a hyper active, noisy character and after living with me for a while, her past mannerism remained but only a past memory. You could never trace back that timid dog you would have seen years back.

Here was this gorgeous eyed Husky, standing tall, running around actively, always ready for a hug. Whether you wanted it or not, she would nudge you from behind until you paid her the attention she deserved.  If not for her battle with Mites, a horrible skin disease called Demodectic mange that came and went every 6 months or so, – she was a picture of health.

Unfortunately, her Demodectic mange became worse and she needed more constant attention after staying with me for a few years. I was working with the hotel then and often came back at 11.30pm almost every night. Even when I switched back to education, the hours had not changed very much and I often returned late- barely having any time for my doggies, as I rushed through peak hour traffic from Kuala Lumpur city. The daily treatments of oil and yellow powder at late hours of the night and trips to the vet for her Demodex jabs was not cutting it. She needed more frequent treatments and more attention.It took me almost a year to admit that I needed help .

With a heavy heart and gentle persuasion from my then-boyfriend, I said goodbye to Maya.  One weekend, I headed back to Teluk Intan, but this time around Maya didn’t return home with me to KL.  It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made- but deep down,  I knew my mum would be the best care-giver for this beautiful soul.

 

Over the last 2 years, I saw Maya grow more beautiful, as mum groomed her and was in turn- showered with Maya’s infectious dose of love. People often say that my mum’s dogs are treated better than humans.- so it was no surprise that she continued to bloom.

Maya was the queen back home, she had mangoes and apples in the mornings besides her daily bread intake for breakfast. Not to mention, amazing company with then-Scooter, Brandy, Tiny [all who have gone to doggie Heaven] and Simba. Even my dad,  didn’t scare her one bit-  a man feared by all the other dogs. She on the other hand, would just do as she liked, howling and walking about like a boss. My dad in turn would have conversations with her, just like I did.

Last weekend, the husband and I took a trip back home. Sadly, Maya had taken a turn for the worst after a day or two.  In the five days we were there, she had barely eaten. She spent most of her time laying down at the back of the house, dug holes and sat in them, but mostly she would put her feet in water and stand in it. We could not figure out what was wrong with her, Maya would never miss out on food. But here I was, feeding her 100 plus  and chicken soup with a syringe.

I was hoping she had gotten better when I returned to KL  last Monday, but yesterday my mum said that things were still not looking too good. She was not eating and test results had shown that her kidneys were failing. I thought she would be recover, she was so young and it was Maya. She had such a fighting spirit, if anyone loved life it was her! But I was sadly mistaken.

At around 3.30pm today, while I was invigilating, I received a very sad text informing me that Maya had gone to the Lord. It was hard not to react, to not cry, but here I was in front of 35 students in an exam hall. In between quiet sobs, hidden tear drops and bathroom trips to conceal my emotions, I managed to make it through 2 hours of invigilation.

Sitting here today, fitting back tears that continue to well up, I know it was your time.

I’m blessed to have been loved by such an adoring and loving creature. Maya, the husky, who stole my heart, always nudging me with her nose for attention.

You are finally home my love, rest in the abode of your loving father.

 

 

 

 

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Why is it really like that, huh?

Sure beats me.

You know for instance when you get up from bed and hit your leg against the steel frame,only to leave you with throbbing pain for the next few minutes and somehow everything else kinda takes a similar course.

That would be the same day your car would break down, the business deal will fall through, a long awaited appointment would be canceled and the list goes on. Some say it’s sheer bad luck, people who follow the secret will say you put yourself in that path while some of us would just settle with this old proverb;
when it rains,it pours

Sucky ain’t it. So should we follow the secret? I mean I have tried it and to a certain extent, it does make a difference, I guess.

It calms you down,makes you more patient, provides you with time to re-evaluate your situation without blowing your top, among other things.

Hence, giving you that space and clear thoughts for what you intend to do,later in that day or time frame.

But it ain’t easy to practice the secret, it’s a lot of faith, lot of belief in all that can be.

What I do not get is how this often occurs to the best of people? The people who kill themselves working hard for their bosses, generous people, kind people, people who follow the rules, people who have a conscience, people who have principles,people who basically follow the rules of society!

Why does it rain and pour? Does it not pay to be good? Often it does cross my mind and then I’m reminded that.. This is what makes people like us different, beautiful in and out,stronger, more confident and basically just the way we are.

Although I might question it very now and then I do believe that god has a plan for us, a plan for us all, for those who have had to weather storms and have come out soaking, yet still willing to brave the rain each time.

Yes, he has a plan for you and for me, you just wait and see:)

For it will be glorious.. For when it does rain the next time around it will an abundance of grace.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

God bless, good night:)

Part 1

The word itself, brings the notion of nothing good. Why so? Simply because the attraction might deem to be unproductive, not good in the eyes of society or worse still detrimental to the well being of your soul.  But today I ain’t here to discuss or preach about how you should stay away from fatal attractions because the thing is you do not choose who you are attracted to (for me anyways), it just happens for a myriad of reasons.

The question is what to do when it does…and how the hell do you remove yourself intact from this fatal attraction that threatens your sanity.

But before getting there, let’s explore a little on fatal attraction. I am by no means an expert on the matter book wise but trust me, if you want to know someone who gets attract to lethal things, things that could possibly kill you either spiritually, emotionally or literally, I’m THE woman 🙂 (got that right this time, did I not?)

The things about attraction is that it happens so swiftly, it sweeps you like how the wind blows by and you lose your hat…It is so subtle yet so powerful that it almost impossible to avoid the moment of which the inception of this attraction begins… The fact that it is so subtle does not ring any alarm bells in your mind, no not at all. I mean hey..if you see fire- you ain’t going to run towards it- unless your Superman of course or your paid to run in to burning buildings for a living.

As I was saying… the problem here about this sort of attraction is that it disguises itself as something very harmless, so harmless than you might not have a clue that it is potent at all so much so you indulge yourself and allow to be around such company for long periods of time and wham!!!!!! before you know it, your hooked!

I mean here you were living your life …you know, minding your own business and here comes this wave that sweeps you over and hits you when you least expect it. I mean its subtle, its calm, its almost relaxing and then out of nowhere it’s stuck on you. So, bottom line is that your hooked.

You are like a junkie that needs his or her drugs that in this case comes in the form of the person’s smile, voice, jokes..the person’s company. I mean your mind is telling you that, it is possibly not a good idea at all but you know how it is, the heart wants what the heart wants. While your mind decides to completely ignore or stay as far as possible, the heart starts scheming on plans to make things happen and before you know it, your in a deeper shit hole then when you started.

Of course it’s exhilarating to have a crush and trust me, this sort of crush….can be explosive.

From smiling for no reason to singing your lungs out for the slightest indication of reactions from your source of attraction….boy do you have it bad…

Part 2 continued………….

Oh yes you do… You know you don’t want to pursue it even though every fiber of your being screams at you to do so..but the logical part of you (although I have very little of that part :P) begs you to turn a blind eye. You almost do when you control yourself from pursuing anything that pushes you towards the wave but like I said many times before, somethings are just unstoppable.

Cause when it comes to feelings….to matters that relate to the heart. You can toss all the logic out of the window because all things you should know or should know has no place in this whirlwind…I don’t care which book you read it from, which philosopher preached about it or whatever, really… cause when it comes to the heart ,there are no rules. For the so call rules will be bent, pushed, turned-upside down and in the worst case scenario, it will be broken bit by bit, as if the whole notion of it was ridiculous to begin with…

So what do you do? Do you allow the waves to come crashing down on you? Sweeping you away to the shore? Do you allow it to take you over? Well, it really depends doesn’t it?

How will I know? How will you know?

That is just it! You don’t.

What you got to do is either let it happen naturally or fight against it with every fiber of your being.

For there is no money back guarantee, no replacement, no substitution, no time clock reversal or anything of the sort.

If you go with it and it happens, as Veehchirra, a fellow bloggers says, it could be the best love story ever written or a big disaster waiting to happen.

Either way, you decide.

Fatal attraction or not.

It’s is your call, as the power is within your grasp.

Whether it makes you or breaks you is a whole different story altogether.

Watch this btw…awesome tribute to Whitney and be-fitting to this post 😛 How Will I know?

You know in the past, it would be a common thing to see a man sitting down after a long day of work, reading his newspaper while his wife brings him coffee. But of course, he would be that same man who would fix the light bulb, chase the mice as his significant other screams at the sight of it, take the car for service, pay the bills among other common things you would expect a man to do (but then again, is it really a common thing expected anymore?).

He would be the one, who you could rely on to BE A MAN. You know the whole protect you if things go haywire, defend , you from other people. Simple gentleman sorta thing like opening car doors, giving you a peck on the cheek (subtle but intimate), walking you to your car/door after a date. But most importantly, the one you feel the safest with, someone who makes you feel secure- that feeling that makes you feel that you can do anything in their presence and not have to worry, even for a minute.

But the question is where have all the men’s men gone? You know the real men….

Most of them can’t even fix a light bulb, they run at the sight of mice and hide behind the women. Worst still are the ones who can’t do anything that remotely signifies the whole I AM MAN but with the whole I AM MAN ego intact, those are the worst kinds.  The ones who you feel, you need to protect. You need to support and tell them over and over again that it is okay.

I know most men will now say, hey woman…the women these days are similar-most can’t cook to save their lives nor maintain a household. Right you are!

I have no disagreements on that note, except to say I ain’t like that 🙂

This post is in no account trying to dis men in general but rather just an outcry, perhaps like a tiny scream within wondering where are the men’s men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I realize the very few men who are….live in my father’s generation or are unattainable.

Perhaps I’m living in the wrong era.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I’ll love you for a
Thousand more

Driving back at 2 am, hearing this song with such an intensity- reflecting on conversations I’ve had with the closes of friends in the last week or so- and still it puts me in awe. The simple fact that we believe, no matter how jaded we are that in the end, each of us will find that someone who makes us feel that way…that way.

Putting all that aside, the songs..the lyrics..the scenes that have replayed in our minds millions of times of true love, of finding someone…that completes that circle…the balance we hope to achieve when we do find that person in our lives. But are we believing on blind faith?

Is it what we truly come up with ourselves? The idea of finding that perfect someone who completes us. Is there such a person? I mean are we truly being idealistic at best?

I mean after all in the movies, in lyrics, in songs- it always works out somehow…the scene always ends with the heartbroken person, falling safely into the trusting, loving and strong hands of their rescuer, their perfect person in one way or another through the beautiful institution of marriage.

It hardly ever shows you what happens beyond that…beyond the wedding dress, the shoes, the event, the food, the glamour, the hype of it all… I mean what really happens?

You put two completely different individuals together, no matter what sort of mutual habits/likes/hobbies etc..I mean your putting two people of the opposite sex together, that itself throws you off completely. The way females and males think differ, its like being on different planets altogether (Yes,….Mars and Venus alright). But it does not end there! Then if you look further, you looking at different characters, personalities, principles..the list goes on.

How can these two people co-exist in the same bubble continuously and be able to deal with each other with all the quirks, the ups, downs across the years? Do they get tired? Can they love each other with the same intensity as they did before?

Yet people lie, cheat, beg, steal and the list continues in relationship prior and even after marriage, at times. So what keeps us still looking for that someone? Finding for that person? Having a hope that we will beat the odds, we will be triumph through it all. We will be different.

The question is how many of us have said that before, we will be different, we won’t be like them. We will survive….

What is the cost of that survival?

Losing who you are? Being someone else? Living a double life? Starting to despise the sight of a person you could not stay even a minute from before without missing….? Truly being connected with the other person? Soul mates? Does it exist? For how long?

I have no clue….

The odds are depressing..the amount of people who suffer in the pursuit of finding that right person…..

Yet we still hope, we still love and we still pursue that road that leads us to a thousand years.

Why? Why do I still believe? Why do you??

Like most women,I JUST DON’T GET IT!!!

What is it with the men folk? They chase after you like there is no tomorrow and when you reach the point where you feel really mean for not giving them the time of day and because they have been so nice you let them in..they start acting like bafoons( not all men of course) this is just a very simple example ..


and there is this lingo you say A they think you meant D…sometimes something so harmless can turn into a huge argument…among other things..

Are we on different planets,do we like speak different languages?

I mean I don’t even want to get into the whole discussion of how men are completely different prior to marriage and after..the question is why?

Is it that we women are not listening hard enough? There is a different lingo we need to learn? Or is that man are just the way they are and you either gotta take it or leave it.

Come on guys..need some feedback here.

“I just don’t get it, if your stupid it is OK..you know but the problem is..YOUR NOT! You guys are intelligent but then when you guys give me work like this……arggh “

Anyone listening to this conversation would think that I was really getting it bad with the person in question, but in the contrary the person in question is not only one of the most respected persons in my books but also a man I totally care about and love. He often reminds me of my father. If I were to use any words to describe how he is to me, it would be “tough love”.

The man in question is my professor. I met him in 2002 when I first entered University Sains Malaysia to purse my undergraduate studies in Communication. Not liked by many due to his hard exterior and sarcastic comebacks, students would stay away from him. I on the other hand thought he was brilliant (yes and extremely sarcastic!)

Sitting in one of his first classes, the moment he started talking.. I stopped and listened attentively (why it was such a big deal? Simple… because I hardly listened, instead I would normally draw cartoons and what-nots when a lecturer speaks.. most of the time as I my attention span was minimal). But the moment the man opened his mouth, brilliance just came out so effortlessly. It was so clear. Another thing that I liked about him was that he did not give a damn about what people thought about him. He was smart and he knew it. He did not let anyone step on his head or give him crap. Admired that.

I used to drop by his office and see him off and on, for no particular reason. Back in university, I was a public relations major, so off the grid for someone like me. Hence, it meant hardly any dealings with prof because he was the journalism head but somehow I was drawn towards journalism and their lecturers. I was more in-tune to anything related to journalism or these lecturers and who would have thought that I would purse journalism in my postgraduate studies, but that is a different story altogether.

As I admired him to bits and thought he was of such brilliance when I decided to purse my postgraduate studies, naturally he became my supervisor. Trust me it was hard being his student. He expected nothing but the best and anyone who knows me academically, as a student knows that I have a million ideas (working, productive ideas) but sadly my organization skills when it comes to putting those thoughts in order was awful. He had to deal with that throughout my 2 years of doing my postgraduate studies in the area of new communication technology. I wanted to quit many times as it was really tough. But having him on-board was one of the reasons I stuck on- I knew he would ensure I gave quality.Conversations like above would always occur and every time I call him I feel like I’m walking on glass as I was nervous (I always wanted to please him and sound smart), hence I would make even more mistakes and blunders than normal.

As the years have passed, I have gone through so much academically and work wise. In my classes, I mirror him in many ways with the way I teach and I always tell my students about his brilliance and how he has mentored me all this years. Everything I do academically largely relates to my prof and his ways of teaching, his ideas and thinking..I owe the little parts of brainy me…to him ….how he has developed how I think critically.

He has always been there to support me and I notice that during every big decision of my life, I’m always either consulting my parents and prof. What he as taught me in class, during my post-grad and even the life lessons, as I entered the working world has been priceless.

I never really knew the depth of his influence on me and what I have achieved… till last Friday, as I walked down the hill in USM after meeting my current supervisors… I remembered his email recently also asking me if I was okay as I had resigned and started my own business, I mean my time lecturers could not be bothered about you let alone what you do after you leave their class but prof was always different.

I realized that I have never really thanked him for being there for me. For being my mentor all these years…for being the one who believes in me. He is one man besides my father than makes me cry, proud and happy with my achievements and progress. He makes me strive and be all that I can and I’m forever thankful and blessed to have such an influential figure in my life. My mentor 🙂

Thank you, prof.

Gurney Drive.

An area that holds lot of memories for most Penangnites and heart-core supporters of this lovely little island 🙂 Like myself. After being away from Penang for the last 5 months, it is always loved to be welcomed home with open arms.

So sitting down and lamenting on how peaceful it was, I felt at home. It had been a long time since I even considered wanting to return to Penang be it to visit or to stay for good. But today, I felt like I did many years before. So I sat there, with my mother and a close friend we saw many antics.

It started off very quiet and after a session of taking pictures of each other- typical Penang rookie behavior (born-again Penangnite?:P), we were pulled away by a sound of something falling. Turning back I saw this young adults or perhaps teenager possibly around 18 or a little older stuck in the mud, most of his leg was deep in the mud. Curious, we all watched as his friends video-taped the whole incident and as he successfully removed his shoe from the thick mud trap. His friends giggled and I thought it was a little mean, the poor dude was drenched in mud- but heck everyone had fun and he was a good sport.. Was just thinking to myself, how lovely to hear the sound of happiness through their laughter.

Swept away by my surroundings and just being in the island, I was in a world of my own until of course some commotion broke my concentration off and I say a bunch of guys, particularly this guy with long hair hitting this guy with a helmet, as his girlfriend used her body to shield him from the attacks. From their body language it was obvious they not only knew each other, but they did not intend to hurt the girl but do some serious damage to the guy.

As blows and blows went to his head, I sprung up from my seat in shock and screamed at them to stop. They looked at me for a while and stopped then they continued to do so. My mum and friend called me to move away from the scene this resulted in my first 911 call to report an incident. Hardly making any sense, hence why it took so long…I gave them descriptions of the incident and reported it. Less than 5 minutes later, the police were on the scene (KUDOS to the cops, I was so proud of them).

By then the young men who were hitting this guy was already in hiding. I saw one of them get into a Waja, Silver but later one the guy seemed to have walked out of the car and hid elsewhere. I managed to give as much details I had by chasing after one of the cops who were on the other side of the road.

After a short period of time, a bunch of guys were in a car were stopped, I identified that it was possibly the same guys earlier but could hardly see from my car. But they had definitely checked out the tip I gave them and the girl who was shielding her boyfriend was present. I have no idea what happened after that.

One thing I do know was I felt quite pissed off, in fact embarrassed with Malaysians. Here, there was a bunch of guy mercilessly hitting this boy with helmets and instead of stopping to help or chase this guys away people started to disperse and move away. Thankfully, a guy and his girlfriend together with another few random guys decided to take matters into their own hands(which I was totally impressed and respect them for..) and walked fast towards this morons. Seeing them coming towards them really fast, they begun to disappear.

The question here is would you turn a blind eye if this would have happened to you? How would you have reacted?
Would you have said anything?Screamed? Shout? Call the cops…pretend you did not see anything, not get involved..etc?
What would you do? I couldn’t…

The title itself of this post, rings close to home. Anyone …especially those who have known me from school days, will understand why my blog title reads…. “Rebel With A Cause”..

From school days, I’ve always been known as the rebel. I was always the one to not only ask, demand and get what I think is right from the get go. I’ve always asked why and I always stood up for what I thought was right at any given point, even since primary school.

Of course being so young, my bold and direct approach was not always taken kindly, earning me the reputation of the troublemaker.
Now that I’m older, has much changed? Perhaps not.

In some circles, I’m still known as the trouble maker (especially in the office among the management staff-I’m sure of that!). Well in an industry like mine, I’m considered pretty young hence again the young complex…so I should not be so bold nor say what I think is right, no no no….

But I am such…I will not accept things just as it is, I will question you till you turn blue… if you do not have your facts right. I have no fear of superiors or influential people if they are wrong in my eyes (can be a bad thing, trust me:)..the list goes on…

I guess I should thank my parents for that, although some might find that it is a value that a woman should not really uphold to that sort of level (as it creates two folds sometimes three folds of issues that keep coming).

Of course as I get older, the rebel part of me has changed in many ways and the issues I fight for differs…When I was younger it was concerning issues that affected me directly and as I get older it concerns the people around me…

My kids (no not my biological ones) know for a fact that they can come to me, at any given time with an issue and if they have solid reasons or facts to back their claims, I will defend them, even if it makes the management frown. Making me not so popular with the management that has had severe blows to my career. despite my credentials of being highly educated, passionate, pro-active, a problem-solver and good with the kids.

But like I’ve said many a time, we make our choices 🙂

For the longest time (the last 6 years-yet it seems so long), almost most of my career I have been an educator and if I can say, a damn good one. I teach with passion, I go the extra mile for the student and my relationship with them goes far beyond the classic classroom teacher-student, as I know them as, not only students but individuals in their own right.

In this last 6 years, despite it all, I’ve been the rebel in college many a time when I bring up issues that affect my students and their education. Trust me, when you try to do the right thing people will come after you, I had a knife so close to my back for the last 2 years, it was hard to breathe, yet I continued on and did the best I could,for as long as I felt the cause was worthy.

That time has passed though and like every rebel with a cause, it’s time for this rebel to have her own cause….this time around I’m doing something for myself. My students might find it hard to see me in any other role, trust me it was hard in the beginning, to imagine myself doing anything else.

I love education, I love educating but mostly I LOVE my students …and when I can make a difference in their life, even in the slightest, smallest portion……..it makes my day. I will continue to love what I love but not at the expense of having to lie or cheat, hence my decision to have my own cause, a cause that might not be as potent as my other causes previously, but just as important perhaps to my development as an individual.

I will come back one day and return to my passion of educating in colleges or universities but for now the educating will take place via something much more calm, peaceful, soul soothing….for a change, my hands will do the talking (god knows, my mouth needs a break :).

So do visit me in my new venture, support me if you can (mimarsehomespa.wordpress.com)

I know it’s something new and perhaps something you would have never imagined me doing,but all you need to do is look at me, to know, that this is good for me. It’s super good( god you should look at my skin now!) and if you could see my soul, I would tell you it’s doing the LAMBADA 🙂

I’m happy and I hope all of you are too 🙂

So for now, the rebel’s cause will be soul soothing 🙂 It’s funny eh, from a rebel who used to be called Baasha to one who practices calming, soothing energy for the soul. My my how we change…