Life After Penang: Different but the same.

Posted: November 20, 2010 in Personal ramblings

Please be warned: This a personal reflection.

It is one year later and a little more.

September of 2009 I took a bold step and moved to Selangor. Living behind Nav and every sense of comfort that I found in the familiarity I had gained the last 7 years that I lived in that beautiful island, I called home. Little did I know how my life would change nor how life in Selangor would affect every facet of my life personally and even career wise.

As most of you know, leaving Penang was one of the hardest things but it was time. Having left Penang, I told myself to keep space for her as I’d come back in a heartbeat.

Now I’m not so sure as to how I’d feel going back to Penang for good. Will she accept me, will I belong like before? Would it be different?

Was it my location that changed me? Was it the lack of familiarity that forced me to open my eyes?

I do not know. What I do know is that…

I’ve become so much stronger.

I’m become hard in a sense
~I do not let my superiors push me around like I allowed them to do in my past
~I treat others as they treat me

I’ve realized who truly are my friends

I’ve learned more about myself than I ever knew (still learning)

I’ve realized that I can’t decide not to be me just to make it easier on my emotions.

I’ve realized that no matter how hard I try if its not meant to be it will not be no matter how long it has been since…

I’ve realized that I am ambitious and I want so much more in life than I let on.

I’ve realized that healing is hurting and hurting is healing. One cannot exist without the other.

I’ve realized that I can’t control every single thing that occurs in my life and sometimes I just have to let go and say “Let it be”

I’ve learned that it ok to grieve as long as I know there is a time to stop

I’ve learned how to be me again and to embrace the good, the bad and the ugly

I’ve realized that I can’t hold on to past memories expecting it to transcend into the future…people do change it is inevitable

I’ve realized that sometimes I need to do what is right for me, not for anyone else but me!

Most importantly I’ve learned to accept that there will be good days, not so good days and horrible days. It is a part of growing.

Who would have thought that I’d have to move miles and miles away, go through heart-break and a little some more to figure this out…But I’m glad I did and the journey has been refreshing as it is mind-boggling and heart-breaking.

Life After Penang has been good as it is challenging, it has pulled me away from my comfort zone,taken away my ‘bantal busuk’ and forced me to face life head on with no regrets.

I stand here today, somewhat different that I know. It is hard to explain.

But there is a sense of comfort, a sense of liberation towards what is to come.

It’s different but it is the same.

It is Life After Penang.


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