Nerves Got the Better of Me!

Posted: July 26, 2007 in Personal ramblings

Last night, not one wink I slept, as I turned and twisted on my hard little bed. It was quite a cold and windy night, the shutters was close and the surrounding was so quiet I could hear myself breathe. But no not one wink I slept for I feared. I feared tomorrow, I feared what was to come. I had waited a week for tomorrow to come but now that it did I feared. Yes, I feared.

At dusk, the alarm rang brrrrrrrrrrrrrringg…. the sound was not comforting at all and just reminded me that the day I dreaded had arrived. I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. My body ached, my head was throbbing…sigh nothing seemed to be right. Yet I got myself together and prepared for what was to come. After checking and checking over and over again for all my stuff I picked myself up from my gloom and headed to the car carrying my files. The three trusted files were to carry me much further than I could so I carried it with care and placed it right beside me. Barely 15 minutes later I arrived at my destination, carrying my files and all the confidence I had I pressed the buttons for the lift.

As the lift opened, I walked in realizing that I was almost there. My heart started to beat fast..thump..thump….when the lift opened there wasdoors at every nook and corner. It lead to numerous locations none of which I was accustom to, so I took my trusty Samsung and called Sunny. He soon directed me to enter the door on my far right and proceed down the aisle where he would meet me. I took a deep breath and with all the confidence and courage I opened the door and walked in. I was a new person here, in this surroundings I was the MAN!(I’m a gal but you know what I mean right!), I was in power. So I told myself. I was greeted by Sunny as I approached a table fit for 3 and given a long list of things to blabber on about on a piece of paper. I dreaded filling it in, it was so cumbersome. Left with no choice, I attempted to fill it in and was soon interrupted by none other than Adeline. She had taken me by surprise as I had not even noticed her approaching me.

After giving me a whole prep talk she left, leaving me in the lion’s den all by myself. It had been ages since I was put in the lion’s den. Soon after Sunny returned taking the paper from me as he browsed through it. I watched his every move from the time he opened the door for me till the time he sat down. I was wondering what he was thinking all that time but he wasn’t an easy book to understand. We soon had a chat and all was well until I revealed my trusty file. The story of my trusty file goes way back. It had even been missing for almost 2 years before a kind soul passed it back to me and from then on I had done away with those bulky clear folders but today it seem to be a downfall for me. When trusty file appeared, Sunny’s reaction also did from a smiley face to a face of concern.

I started to fiddle and blabbed something, in fact I can hardly remember what I said. My trusty file can come between me and my possible future. Sunny smiled not to long after but I need that at that point I was naked, my nerves had got the better of me. He could see my insecurities, he could see that I wasn’t all that confident after all. Of course I had my moments and my weakness I wasn’t ALL THAT. But still I was me.

Leaving the vicinity of the lion den I returned to my WMM and drove back quite slowly something very unlike for someone like me. I thought things over and re-capped what had happened and it sure didn’t not reflect well on me as I had allowed one thing to make him wonder Should I? Instead of Yes, she is the one. What can I say? My nerves got the better of me..:(

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